It took me about four months of living in New York City before I heard about the normality of online dating. I'd always thought online dating was something that hopelessly single 40-year olds did to try to make sure they got married at some point. But here, it was just as frequent for someone to be meeting a stranger from the internet as it was to go out with someone they met at a bar. After months of meeting some pretty low-grade guys at frat bars, I figured I would give it a shot.
The first few weeks, I made sure my profile was the perfect balance of hilarious and adorable. I added my best recent pictures and tried as hard as I could to answer the questions honestly. I figured I'd get a few messages of guys that I wasn't too thrilled with, but was not prepared for the onslaught of "hey sexy u want to meet me for a drink 2nite? u are so fine." I mean who seriously responds to those, anyway?
Once I figured out how to weed through the snakes, I started talking to a couple of guys. At first, I was very intimidated to meet someone in person and kept telling them that. They reassured me that it was fine and we kept talking. After a week or so more, they began to get impatient asking if this would ever result in meeting in person. I felt pressure and was so unfamiliar on the protocol of online dating that I just ghosted away. I still feel bad about those guys thinking back on it now.
I'll definitely remember my first date for a while. It was a sweet guy who was into theatre and movies (as all of them started to end up being like) and was very understanding of my nerves. I called him out of the blue one day saying "I'm not sure if this is breaking the rules, but I figured I'd call you." He laughed and said he admired my bold move and if I felt ok with it, he wanted to take me out to dinner. I agreed and set the date.
We met on the street around the corner from my apartment. He told me that there was something we had to do before our date and it would only take a little bit of time. We got on the subway and headed into Harlem from the Upper West. We walked a few blocks and he said we were stopping at his friends' place. Walking in, I had no idea if I was walking into his murder den or what, but to my surprise, a little puppy ran up to me and I fell in love-- with the dog that is. He said he thought I would want to play with his friend's new puppy, and he was right. I could have spent the whole date there, but we had reservations at 7:30. We went to a Greek place near my apartment and had a nice conversation. He picked up the check (at least $80) and I immediately felt guilty because I knew I just wasn't into this guy. He walked me back home and I gave him a sweet hug goodbye. He followed up the next day and I told him how thankful I was but I just wasn't into dating at this point. He understood and I haven't heard from him since.
After that date, I realized that the full-blown dinner and drinks night was just too much for me. I went on this thing to meet new people, not get a ring. I think I let my screening requirements drop because the guys I met next were far worse. I met a guy for drinks a few weeks later who proceeded to get wildly drunk and yell at me for my vote in the Presidential Election. The next guy was a 28-year old still living with his parents in Jersey who tried to come back to my apartment after a breakfast date. One guy I met at his apartment in Astoria only to bond with his girl roommate and spend the whole night talking to her.
I kept taking breaks from it after bad experiences, and getting pulled back in by a cute messages. It seemed that I kept following this trend of meeting people who were exactly like me. I would see a profile and think "These are my favorite movies, TOO! I LOVE these books!" and think that was all I needed to go out with guys. I'd be on the dates and be bored out of my mind because there's not anywhere you can go when they already know everything you're going to tell them.
I did have one go at it that lasted into more than a quick meeting. A really sweet guy named Jeff came out of the blue. He messaged me over the Christmas/New Years holiday and I could tell we were going to get along based off of his humor. A few weeks went by before we were both back in New York from the holiday and he followed up and we made the date. I didn't really think much of it because I had been so busy coming back from vacation, and decided to quickly meet him on a Thursday night after work. We met at a dark wine bar on Broome and immediately clicked. We both had that horrendous form of humor that took jokes way past the point of being funny and our rapport was so quick; like we'd known each other for years. We did the casual leg touching and he was much cuter than I remembered his pictures being. He had to work the next day, while I didn't, so I was happy to end the date at 11pm, but he wanted to go to another bar. We went to my favorite shag dance bar near my apartment and spent the rest of the night laughing, dancing, and getting along really well. After that, we met up a few more times; once for happy hour, once to meet my roommates at our local pub, and once more for a daytime snack. On the outside, it probably looked looked promising, but looking back at it, I think I was just so surprised to find someone who made me laugh that hard, that I thought that meant more than just being friends. I felt like I was going on these fancy dates with a buddy and it started feeling weird. We still talk every now and then but I think we both realized that surprisingly, OKCupid can find you friends.
So here I am, and after my last OkCupid date this past weekend that felt more like an interview than a date, I've decided to throw the towel in. I've heard stories of it working out, I've heard horror stories of stalkers and sociopaths, I've almost been Catfished. A year later, and no where closer to feeling like this is a positive thing, I'm ready. I gave it a shot and went out on at least 10 dates. My final call is that, at least for me, it probably won't work. I put so much weight in the initial interaction with someone that being able to see everything you'd normally talk about on a first date in black and white online, defeats the purpose. What will we have to talk about if I've already read his 300 answered questions?
At 23, I have no idea what I want in a guy. I know what I'm drawn to physically, and some morals that are ideal, but I couldn't look at a checklist and create my perfect guy. I'd see books and movies I like and think that's what compatibility was. In reality, it's about someone introducing you to a hobby you never knew you'd like, or an idea that you'd never thought of before. Everything was spelled out for me and I could choose to go for it or nix it just based on a few sentences. Why would I give someone different a chance when the next guy already listed my favorite director as his favorite? I know there's more to someone than their profile, but I'd rather take the blind risk of meeting someone on the subway and agreeing to a date after a 5-minute conversation than this. Now if only those adorable guys I eye-flirt with on the train would actually have the courage to ask me, I'd be happy to make the reservation.
The first few weeks, I made sure my profile was the perfect balance of hilarious and adorable. I added my best recent pictures and tried as hard as I could to answer the questions honestly. I figured I'd get a few messages of guys that I wasn't too thrilled with, but was not prepared for the onslaught of "hey sexy u want to meet me for a drink 2nite? u are so fine." I mean who seriously responds to those, anyway?
Once I figured out how to weed through the snakes, I started talking to a couple of guys. At first, I was very intimidated to meet someone in person and kept telling them that. They reassured me that it was fine and we kept talking. After a week or so more, they began to get impatient asking if this would ever result in meeting in person. I felt pressure and was so unfamiliar on the protocol of online dating that I just ghosted away. I still feel bad about those guys thinking back on it now.
I'll definitely remember my first date for a while. It was a sweet guy who was into theatre and movies (as all of them started to end up being like) and was very understanding of my nerves. I called him out of the blue one day saying "I'm not sure if this is breaking the rules, but I figured I'd call you." He laughed and said he admired my bold move and if I felt ok with it, he wanted to take me out to dinner. I agreed and set the date.
We met on the street around the corner from my apartment. He told me that there was something we had to do before our date and it would only take a little bit of time. We got on the subway and headed into Harlem from the Upper West. We walked a few blocks and he said we were stopping at his friends' place. Walking in, I had no idea if I was walking into his murder den or what, but to my surprise, a little puppy ran up to me and I fell in love-- with the dog that is. He said he thought I would want to play with his friend's new puppy, and he was right. I could have spent the whole date there, but we had reservations at 7:30. We went to a Greek place near my apartment and had a nice conversation. He picked up the check (at least $80) and I immediately felt guilty because I knew I just wasn't into this guy. He walked me back home and I gave him a sweet hug goodbye. He followed up the next day and I told him how thankful I was but I just wasn't into dating at this point. He understood and I haven't heard from him since.
After that date, I realized that the full-blown dinner and drinks night was just too much for me. I went on this thing to meet new people, not get a ring. I think I let my screening requirements drop because the guys I met next were far worse. I met a guy for drinks a few weeks later who proceeded to get wildly drunk and yell at me for my vote in the Presidential Election. The next guy was a 28-year old still living with his parents in Jersey who tried to come back to my apartment after a breakfast date. One guy I met at his apartment in Astoria only to bond with his girl roommate and spend the whole night talking to her.
I kept taking breaks from it after bad experiences, and getting pulled back in by a cute messages. It seemed that I kept following this trend of meeting people who were exactly like me. I would see a profile and think "These are my favorite movies, TOO! I LOVE these books!" and think that was all I needed to go out with guys. I'd be on the dates and be bored out of my mind because there's not anywhere you can go when they already know everything you're going to tell them.
I did have one go at it that lasted into more than a quick meeting. A really sweet guy named Jeff came out of the blue. He messaged me over the Christmas/New Years holiday and I could tell we were going to get along based off of his humor. A few weeks went by before we were both back in New York from the holiday and he followed up and we made the date. I didn't really think much of it because I had been so busy coming back from vacation, and decided to quickly meet him on a Thursday night after work. We met at a dark wine bar on Broome and immediately clicked. We both had that horrendous form of humor that took jokes way past the point of being funny and our rapport was so quick; like we'd known each other for years. We did the casual leg touching and he was much cuter than I remembered his pictures being. He had to work the next day, while I didn't, so I was happy to end the date at 11pm, but he wanted to go to another bar. We went to my favorite shag dance bar near my apartment and spent the rest of the night laughing, dancing, and getting along really well. After that, we met up a few more times; once for happy hour, once to meet my roommates at our local pub, and once more for a daytime snack. On the outside, it probably looked looked promising, but looking back at it, I think I was just so surprised to find someone who made me laugh that hard, that I thought that meant more than just being friends. I felt like I was going on these fancy dates with a buddy and it started feeling weird. We still talk every now and then but I think we both realized that surprisingly, OKCupid can find you friends.
So here I am, and after my last OkCupid date this past weekend that felt more like an interview than a date, I've decided to throw the towel in. I've heard stories of it working out, I've heard horror stories of stalkers and sociopaths, I've almost been Catfished. A year later, and no where closer to feeling like this is a positive thing, I'm ready. I gave it a shot and went out on at least 10 dates. My final call is that, at least for me, it probably won't work. I put so much weight in the initial interaction with someone that being able to see everything you'd normally talk about on a first date in black and white online, defeats the purpose. What will we have to talk about if I've already read his 300 answered questions?
At 23, I have no idea what I want in a guy. I know what I'm drawn to physically, and some morals that are ideal, but I couldn't look at a checklist and create my perfect guy. I'd see books and movies I like and think that's what compatibility was. In reality, it's about someone introducing you to a hobby you never knew you'd like, or an idea that you'd never thought of before. Everything was spelled out for me and I could choose to go for it or nix it just based on a few sentences. Why would I give someone different a chance when the next guy already listed my favorite director as his favorite? I know there's more to someone than their profile, but I'd rather take the blind risk of meeting someone on the subway and agreeing to a date after a 5-minute conversation than this. Now if only those adorable guys I eye-flirt with on the train would actually have the courage to ask me, I'd be happy to make the reservation.
