This being my first commentary on current news, I'm timid. But I guess that's fitting, and probably why writing this will be easier than if I was labeled "bossy" growing up.
Sheryl Sandberg is a well-known feminist writer, public speaker, and COO of Facebook. A few days ago, it was released, via Facebook naturally, that she wanted to start banning the word "bossy" as a word to tell girls who take charge to 'shut up.' After drafting some famous and confident females, her video became viral and all of the sudden my newsfeed was filled with girls rallying behind this cause. At first, I figured it was a women's empowerment movement and if Beyonce backed anything, I'd be on board. Once I looked into it, I realized that I didn't totally agree with her message.
I grew up in a suburban southern town where friends were the most important thing to an elementary school girl. I was more of a follower back then, and always seemed to surround myself with strong girls as friends. Whenever it came to group projects or recess games, I would listen to everyone and go wherever they needed me most. Granted, that usually led me to the playing the outfield in kickball, but if that's what they needed, I'd suck it up. To my memory, I was never called 'bossy' in middle or high school. I gravitated towards girls who were strong leaders and supported the hell out of them. I'd hear them being called bossy, and immediately defend them. So why am I not supportive of this message to defend and protect girls being called bossy, just as I used to back then? Well, sometimes I think the term was justified.
As far as I always understood, the term bossy always meant something negative in my mind. It meant that someone was being domineering, rude, and aggressive. Even the dictionary's synonyms for the word are: overpowering, pushy, and tyrannical. Whenever I heard the word, it was because someone (usually girls) were making others to feel small so they could take authority. I never looked up to the leaders of my class and said THEY were bossy. The girl who got better grades than the boys, the athlete who climbed the rope higher, the girl who was sweet to everyone, they weren't bosses--they were leaders. People will always misuse words to hurt other peoples' feelings, but that doesn't mean it becomes synonymous with the positive action. I don't even think the words leadership and bossy are close to the same realm.
I have babysat a lot in my life. With that experience comes an incredible insight into how little girls (and boys) grow up. I see that small things can make a big difference in patterns of behavior and that other big issues can go unaffected. Chloe was a 3 year old who was supremely spoiled and enabled by her parents. They let her get away with everything and it was incredibly difficult to deal with, especially when it came to simple things like cleaning up. She would berate her little brother (an adorable 2-year old with the cutest smile you've ever seen) and pawn off all the tasks she was supposed to do before snack time. I would constantly say, "Chloe, you're being bossy right now. Maybe you should HELP him clean." Since the rise of the "ban bossy" I've thought back to those times where I called this adorable little girl bossy. But then, I realized her reaction to it; she feared the word. That word kept her in check so many times because to her, she never wanted to be bossy. Just like how people don't want to be "insensitive", "close minded", or "negligent" in their adult life, "bossy" was the enemy to a 3-year old. But, whenever she grabbed her brother's hand and walked up to a new group of kids on the playground, she wasn't being bossy, she was being courageous. Bossy IS a negative word, and by banning it, we're only allowing it to be filled with other negative words. What are we going to say to girls who are being mean and overpowering when they take the lead? Bratty? Awful? Another, more offensive, b-word?
Since my days of a wannabe 7th grader, I've found strength in myself. Slowly, I started standing up for myself and my feelings more in my life. When it came to ideas and plans, I started taking the lead when everyone else said "eh, I don't care." I also don't let myself get bossed around as easily. It was a long time coming, but I think the best way to be a leader is to first follow. If anyone ever called me bossy nowadays, I would sit and shut up. But not because that person is limiting me, it's because they're keeping me in check. In the same sense of saying something was rude, bossy is just another word to let someone know that you may be taking things a little too far. I don't think anyone is going to start a "ban inappropriate" initiative because it's limiting people from "being candid". Sometimes, we need things that keep us on our mark and help everyone get along.
In no way am I saying that women shouldn't take charge or that all leaders are bossy. I just think it has to be done in the right way. Ask for opinions, let other's shine, be flexible and really listen to what people are saying. The best leaders are those that don't even come across like they took the lead. Let's take the word and transform it into something more positive by taking out the domineering quality to it. Bossiness can exist, but definitely in a better way. In a world where mean girls rule the halls of high school, why ban a word that may give them some hindsight to take the lead gracefully and with respect. Malala Yousafzai, the Pakistani woman's rights advocate and winner of the 2013 Nobel Peace Prize, puts it best, "You must fight others, but through peace and through dialogue and through education."
Maybe someone who has never experienced this word firsthand isn't the best opinion. Even writing this now, I feel like I'm asserting myself too much into the debate-- just my timid nature again. I just think that instead of extracting a word out of our daily speech, let's focus on using new ones. A strong and confident woman leader is inspiring, encouraging, a role model. Even now, the word bossy is getting desensitized. Tina Fey proudly titled her book "Bossypants" and we've all sang a verse of Kelis' "Bossy". Keep it as it is, or start making it into something else. But out of all the words that have become part of everyday vernacular, can't we focus more on some overtly offensive ones?
I feel like even now I'm being bossed into thinking a word is bad. To all of us followers, I say we stand up for ourselves for once and keep the mean girls in check. But what do I know? I'm stuck out here waiting in the outfield...
Sheryl Sandberg is a well-known feminist writer, public speaker, and COO of Facebook. A few days ago, it was released, via Facebook naturally, that she wanted to start banning the word "bossy" as a word to tell girls who take charge to 'shut up.' After drafting some famous and confident females, her video became viral and all of the sudden my newsfeed was filled with girls rallying behind this cause. At first, I figured it was a women's empowerment movement and if Beyonce backed anything, I'd be on board. Once I looked into it, I realized that I didn't totally agree with her message.
I grew up in a suburban southern town where friends were the most important thing to an elementary school girl. I was more of a follower back then, and always seemed to surround myself with strong girls as friends. Whenever it came to group projects or recess games, I would listen to everyone and go wherever they needed me most. Granted, that usually led me to the playing the outfield in kickball, but if that's what they needed, I'd suck it up. To my memory, I was never called 'bossy' in middle or high school. I gravitated towards girls who were strong leaders and supported the hell out of them. I'd hear them being called bossy, and immediately defend them. So why am I not supportive of this message to defend and protect girls being called bossy, just as I used to back then? Well, sometimes I think the term was justified.
As far as I always understood, the term bossy always meant something negative in my mind. It meant that someone was being domineering, rude, and aggressive. Even the dictionary's synonyms for the word are: overpowering, pushy, and tyrannical. Whenever I heard the word, it was because someone (usually girls) were making others to feel small so they could take authority. I never looked up to the leaders of my class and said THEY were bossy. The girl who got better grades than the boys, the athlete who climbed the rope higher, the girl who was sweet to everyone, they weren't bosses--they were leaders. People will always misuse words to hurt other peoples' feelings, but that doesn't mean it becomes synonymous with the positive action. I don't even think the words leadership and bossy are close to the same realm.
I have babysat a lot in my life. With that experience comes an incredible insight into how little girls (and boys) grow up. I see that small things can make a big difference in patterns of behavior and that other big issues can go unaffected. Chloe was a 3 year old who was supremely spoiled and enabled by her parents. They let her get away with everything and it was incredibly difficult to deal with, especially when it came to simple things like cleaning up. She would berate her little brother (an adorable 2-year old with the cutest smile you've ever seen) and pawn off all the tasks she was supposed to do before snack time. I would constantly say, "Chloe, you're being bossy right now. Maybe you should HELP him clean." Since the rise of the "ban bossy" I've thought back to those times where I called this adorable little girl bossy. But then, I realized her reaction to it; she feared the word. That word kept her in check so many times because to her, she never wanted to be bossy. Just like how people don't want to be "insensitive", "close minded", or "negligent" in their adult life, "bossy" was the enemy to a 3-year old. But, whenever she grabbed her brother's hand and walked up to a new group of kids on the playground, she wasn't being bossy, she was being courageous. Bossy IS a negative word, and by banning it, we're only allowing it to be filled with other negative words. What are we going to say to girls who are being mean and overpowering when they take the lead? Bratty? Awful? Another, more offensive, b-word?
Since my days of a wannabe 7th grader, I've found strength in myself. Slowly, I started standing up for myself and my feelings more in my life. When it came to ideas and plans, I started taking the lead when everyone else said "eh, I don't care." I also don't let myself get bossed around as easily. It was a long time coming, but I think the best way to be a leader is to first follow. If anyone ever called me bossy nowadays, I would sit and shut up. But not because that person is limiting me, it's because they're keeping me in check. In the same sense of saying something was rude, bossy is just another word to let someone know that you may be taking things a little too far. I don't think anyone is going to start a "ban inappropriate" initiative because it's limiting people from "being candid". Sometimes, we need things that keep us on our mark and help everyone get along.
In no way am I saying that women shouldn't take charge or that all leaders are bossy. I just think it has to be done in the right way. Ask for opinions, let other's shine, be flexible and really listen to what people are saying. The best leaders are those that don't even come across like they took the lead. Let's take the word and transform it into something more positive by taking out the domineering quality to it. Bossiness can exist, but definitely in a better way. In a world where mean girls rule the halls of high school, why ban a word that may give them some hindsight to take the lead gracefully and with respect. Malala Yousafzai, the Pakistani woman's rights advocate and winner of the 2013 Nobel Peace Prize, puts it best, "You must fight others, but through peace and through dialogue and through education."
Maybe someone who has never experienced this word firsthand isn't the best opinion. Even writing this now, I feel like I'm asserting myself too much into the debate-- just my timid nature again. I just think that instead of extracting a word out of our daily speech, let's focus on using new ones. A strong and confident woman leader is inspiring, encouraging, a role model. Even now, the word bossy is getting desensitized. Tina Fey proudly titled her book "Bossypants" and we've all sang a verse of Kelis' "Bossy". Keep it as it is, or start making it into something else. But out of all the words that have become part of everyday vernacular, can't we focus more on some overtly offensive ones?
I feel like even now I'm being bossed into thinking a word is bad. To all of us followers, I say we stand up for ourselves for once and keep the mean girls in check. But what do I know? I'm stuck out here waiting in the outfield...
